Today's Date is

A Great Day For The Game - Jun 16 2008 8:38PM

What a great way to spend a Monday afternoon...a couple of class guys trying to be the best at their game. Rocco is my new hero! And Tiger showed once again that golf is a gentlemen's game. I hope the kids and the adults that act like kids on the golf course were watching. There should be public hangings for douche bags that scream "GET IN THE HOLE!" and "YOU DA MAN!" Any ideas for something else to yell? Send them to mail@drakezeke.com

Holy Cow! - May 28 2008 9:15PM

Worlds Biggest Cow

This its the world's biggest 6ft cow that is as big as a small elephant

His name is Big Cow Chilli and he's described as a gentle giant.

His owners have contacted the Guinness Book of Records who are currently assessing his credentials and comparing them to other big bovines.

The black and white Friesian bullock weighs well over a ton and at the same height as a small elephant, casts a shadow over his cattle companions who are about 5ft.

Chilli the giant bullock stands at 6ft 6ins and weighs well over a ton

Despite his grand stature, Chilli only grazes on grass during the day and enjoys the occasional swede as a treat.

The heifer, who is almost as high as he is long, lives at the Ferne Animal Sanctuary in Chard, Somerset, after he was left on their doorstep aged just six-days-old.

Nine years on, Chilli has kept on growing, and staff believe the giant will smash a record for Britain's tallest ever cow.

Naomi Clarke, manager at the sanctuary, said: "As Chilli was growing up we began noticing that he was bigger than our other cows.

Chilli dwarfs most horses, is the same height as a small elephant and casts a shadow over his cattle companions who are about 5ft in height

"He now stands at 6ft 6ins from the floor to the top of his shoulder and he is massive when he holds his head up.

"We have made an application to Guinness Book Of Records and we are quite confident he will get it."

Chilli, who is 6ft 7ins long, was left running around on the doorstep of the sanctuary along with his twin sister Jubilee in 1999.

Over the years, staff noticed Chilli begin to tower over his sister and companions.

But it was only when he failed to fit in a standard cattle cage to have his hooves clipped that they realised just how big he had grown compared to normal bullocks.

Chilli lives at the Ferne Animal Sanctuary in Chard, Somerset

Miss Clarke said: "For some reason a farmer decided he didn't want Chilli and Jubilee so dumped them with three others on our doorstep nine years ago.

"He was only six days old and didn't look that big but as the years passed we noticed he was getting rather tall.

"People would always comment on how much bigger he was from the other cows and bulls when they visited the sanctuary.

"He does weigh over a ton but is quite lean and not as fat as some of his companions."

Despite his grand stature, Chilli only grazes on grass during the day and enjoys the occasional swede as a treat

She continued: "We don't know what has made him so tall. He doesn't eat that much and his feet and head are in proportion - he is just very large.

"He is a very friendly and gentle cow so we hopes he manages to break the record - he deserves it."

At present, the tallest bovine in the world is 6ft 8ins Fiorino, who lives in Italy.

A spokeswoman for the Guinness Book Of Records said: "I can confirm that an application has been received for Chilli which is currently under research."

Six months ago another bullock vying for a record breaking spot was The Field Marshal who weighed in at 3,000lb.

At the time he was on course to over take the current British record-holder, his former stablemate The Colonel, who stood 6ft 5in tall and weighed 3,500lb. He died in 2005.

International Suckage - May 19 2008 8:52AM

Good morning Ares and Dionysus,

We finally made it to Greece! And, in honor of your helpful advice for our trip, we decided to advertise you to the Gods. Attached is some pictures of my husband and I at the Acropolis in Athens and the monument to the first marathon runner in Marathon. We had a wonderful time. We flew British Airways, and the people were really nice. Of course, the stewards were British, and my husband, being the rocket scientist he is, told the stewards that we would have to 'shag ass' to the next terminal for our connecting flight. Needless to say, the stewards were leery of him for the remainder of the flight. Once again, thanks for the advice, and enjoy the pics.

Chip and Renee

Hope You Had a Great Mother's Day! - May 11 2008 9:08PM

It is Saturday and once again I am at home cleaning up after my husband and daughter as I do EVERY waking moment. I just heard your Robert Irwin Mother's Day commercial. I know you get paid to say those things and you are men. Let me tell you what a lot of women are thinking but are afraid to say. MOTHER'S DAY F-ING SUCKS. I spend 364 of my days cleaning up after pigs, driving, doing laundry, paying bills and working full time for little or no showing of gratitude. It is rare I get a thank you or any help around here (unless they want something). Until Mother's Day. I used to remind my husband and daughter that the day is coming up and not to forget me. NOT ANYMORE. I could give a shit less about the frilly unthoughtful gifts picked out the morning of Mother's Day and handed to me in the Kroger bag they came in. I would rather have the $80 bucks spent out eating in my pocket. Mother's Day is for our families not us. It is there day to rid themselves of the guilt of being selfish, unthoughtful pigs the rest of the year. If you really want to show your mom how much you love and appreciate her, try saying thank you and I love you more than once a year, try picking up your own shit so your mom will have time to do things she really likes. Like sitting outside in the sun, chillin’, drinking a cocktail, listening to some tunes just enjoying being a person, not your maid.
Tracy--

Another Reason To Fear Clowns - May 8 2008 3:12PM

The Daily Courier

Monday, May 05, 2008

Police arrested Kooki the Clown on five felony charges relating to her allegedly defrauding a 90-year-old woman of more than $500,000.

Prescott Pollice Department Detective Anna Cahall said Carrie L. Williams-Thompson, 48, who portrayed 'Kooki' at fairs and city events, also worked as a bereavement counselor, and that she met the victim shortly after the victim's husband died.

"The woman's husband passed away in 2002. She (Williams-Thompson) gained power of attorney soon after that. The theft hasn't been going on that long," Cahall said.

She said that the victim and her bank noticed that Williams-Thompson appeared to be "making unusual use" of the victim's money. According to a police press release, Williams-Thompson used the victim's money to buy homes, vehicles, a fifth-wheel trailer and more.

California police officers arrested Williams-Thompson in Corona, Calif., where she was performing as Kooki with a California fair. Authorities soon will extradite her back to Arizona, where she will face felony charges of fraud, theft, financial exploitation of a vulnerable adult, forgery and unlawful use of power of attorney.

Cahall said the elderly need to be on the lookout for someone trying to defraud them.

"Keep as close track of your bank account as you can," Cahall said. "Sometimes people need someone to assist them if their vision is failing or for any reason. Be sure to let the bankers help monitor your account, so there's not any inappropriate expenses you're unaware of, no matter who has control of it."